Scary Movies

I’m not scared of scary movies anymore. This is a new phenomenon for me. I’m the person who changes the channel or covers my ears and hums when commercials previewing new scary movies come on television. I have never been able to watch scary movies without sleeping with the light on for days afterwards. BUT, lately I’ve been intrigued by all things paranormal. So, I started watching movies dealing with ghost, the undead, angels, the devil…..Then I progressed to demons, zombies, monsters and psycho killers. This past weekend (the weekend before Halloween) I overdosed on all the horror flicks that I adamantly refused to watch growing up, The Omen, Carrie, The Exorcist, and of course Halloween and its various chapters and subchapters. I watched transfixed for hours and felt no fear. When one movie finished I moved to the next one without giving it a second thought. I guess this is a good thing?

Dare I ask? “Why am I not afraid anymore?” The answer is quite obvious. I’ve seen what real fear is. As I said, the answer is obvious, if you’ve read any of my blogs you understand exactly what I mean.

And yet, the fact that I wasn’t afraid anymore made me sad. It meant something. That I was changed. I knew I was, but this proved it in a stupid, but affecting way. I called my best friend to tell her; after all she knew how I felt about scary movies since I refused to watch them with her. (She’s a horror flick fan) I was hoping she’s hear the ache in my throat as the words gurgled from my mouth, but she missed it. Lately there have been divisions of sub-divisions between us, “little boxes, little boxes.” Our worlds don’t collide anymore, they barely mingle. I guess that’s expected, but I do miss the way her mind used to read mine.

There was no one to tell, no one who’d get it. I screamed my frustration louder then those movies I’d been watching. I may not be scared of scary movies anymore, but I sure as hell scared my neighbors. Afterwards, I was hoarse, but calm. After you break, you rebuild. Sometimes stronger, but still cracked in the hidden places, the places only you know.

That night, I slept with the light OFF, unafraid.