Why do I volunteer? Why an AIDS Hospice?
This question has been asked of me numerous times and I have never been able to fully form an answer. I’ve always been active in various other organizations, I’ve always given my time and heart to those who need it, but volunteering at an AIDS hospice is at the extreme end of the spectrum. Maybe my need took root as a child watching my mother take in strays, people who had no one and nowhere else to go. Or, maybe it was watching my father give his time and passion so willingly to other volunteer projects. Maybe it was my missionary grandparents who devoted their life to Haiti, or maybe it was Haiti itself. The lonely, brutalized island of my birth that always bends, but is never broken.
I was having a conversation with an acquaintance about my blog and volunteer work and he asked if I was HIV-positive. I had never been asked that question before in that context and I paused for a moment before answering. I didn’t like the context of the question, nor its implications. As if that would be the only explanation as to why I volunteer, why I write this blog, absolve him of his guilt at doing nothing and allow him to creep back into the shadows of chosen ignorance.
There are many of us who volunteer who are not HIV-positive. There are many that volunteer because they are HIV-positive, and there are many who volunteer because they lost someone close to the disease, and there are many who volunteer for their own personal reasons.
The conversation stayed with me the rest of the day, that night, and still now, as I write about it. I know it was asked as a way to connect the dots. “Why do you volunteer, why an AIDS hospice?” BUT still, the question and the subtle implications behind it bother me.
HIV/AIDS affects everyone, EVERYONE! Unless you are living on some deserted island in the middle of nowhere I guarantee you have been affected. You may not be intuitive enough to grasp how, or you may be blissfully ignorant in thinking that it has no bearing on your life, but it does and it always will until…..
So, the answer as to why I volunteer at an AIDS hospice?
At the end of the day does it really matter? If I don’t have a clear cut reason, if it’s a combination of the staggering statistics and the forgotten promises made to all who have died and are still dying, is that not enough? If all I know is that I can’t not be active in one of the greatest, almost forgotten, struggles in my lifetime, am I lacking in intent?
Today, at the hospice, the man-child I have grown so close to could barely lift his head off his pillow and I was there to hold his hand as he cried knowing the days ahead of him would be few. I was there, I was there, I was there.
Where were you?
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5 comments:
Your blog is so profound. If I could only get my family and ex friends read it....but they turned their back on me when they found out about my HIV. We HIV+ are so lucky there are compassionate people like you who understand. You not only talk the talk you walk the walk. You've secured your place in heaven. Bless you and yours always.
L+, Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry that your friends and family not only let you down, but also let down the struggle that affects us all. Please remember that there are people out there that will be there for you and that you don't have to go it alone. Please fight for your health, both mental and physical and never give up, never give in. Be good to yourself, always!
Mama,
I'm so glad you read through that question asked...
it was obvious where they were going and that yes they wanted a digestible answer to make themselves feel better... or at least be able to fit everything in their frame of knowledge as they have come to know it.
The only reason you need to do what you do... is the one that comes from with in, the one that provides you with the compassion and patience needed to do what you do.
that reason is never clear cut and dry.
I admire you Claudine.
Thank you for such a wonderful piece. This makes us look critically at ourselves, our motivations and self-interests. Thank you for such an poignant challenge to our fragile comfort.
It reminds me of the saying about evil prevailing with the righteous do nothing. In this case a disease is ravaging the world. Making millions of people sick and eventually taking their lives. If the "healthy" (for lack of a better term) or privileged do nothing, our human family is weakened. If our world is so motivated by self-interest that only people with a disease should be passionate about it, then we are all truly sick.
this post really made my heart ache. you are amazing, claudine!
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