Better Version?

I had a conversation with my brother the other day. He asked me if the work I do at the hospice bled into other aspects of my life. He was concerned that I would turn into someone completely unrecognizable from the sister he knew. He mumbled something about how I’m always the one who sees the bright side of stuff and he would hate for me to lose my quirky, upbeat personality and turn into a dark, depressed person who dwells in loss and death.

“It has to change you.” He said. “There’s no way that you can do the work you do without it taking away from who you are.”

He also reminded me that my family and friends are affected as well. Relationships change as I change and sometimes those close don’t know what to say to me, nor I to them.

He’s right. Sometimes I do feel the distance in relationships I had before I started volunteering at the hospice and some days I am dark and cynical and sad and angry. I’m not the same girl. How could I be? BUT that’s the point, I don’t want to be the same girl, I want to be better. I need to be better.

I spent part of my day bringing Christmas gifts to the patients at the hospice and their happiness made every dark day worth it.

So, some days suck, some don’t. I still laugh and play, and beautiful sunny days still make my heart smile. I still blast my car stereo while singing loudly with the windows rolled down and I still dance to my favorite cd of the moment while getting dressed in the morning. I’m still me, just a different version. A better version.....I hope.